Maybe My Parents Were Wrong
(Life skills your parents taught you that may be sabotaging your career.)
On October 31st, 2019, my father retired from Duke Energy after 35 years of faithful service. Throughout his 40 years of working, he had two jobs. I’d exceeded his count by my senior year in high school. Growing up my parents always talked to my siblings and I about their desires for our future and the “correct” way to live. A few of those life skills were to finish college, get a good job, always be respectful to your elders, be nice and positive, and its rude to brag and “go on'' about yourself too much.
With a strong desire to make my parents proud after high school, I went directly to college and began the journey of making them proud. Now after years of working “the plan”, I am living my parent’s wildest dreams for me… I graduated college (actually three times). I have what is by most standards a good job, but in the past two years I have started to rethink some of my parent’s teachings. They did an excellent job of setting a standard for life skills but now I’m finding that these lessons may be sabotaging my career and growth potential.
Get a good job and don’t leave it- Although my parents had good intentions, the longer I work the more I have discovered this idea has made me complacent in the pursuit of not just a good job but finding a job that’s good for ME. I have traded work life balance, happiness and operating in my gift; for stress, high blood pressure, and money, by trying to keep that “good” job. Now I am focused and clear on what a “good” job is based on my standards. Of course, money is important, but now I value my purpose over the paycheck.
Always be respectful to your elders- For my parents this meant saying, “Yes sir” and “ma’am” and waiting your turn to speak. This works well with church and family elders, but will get you overlooked and rolled over in the work environment. Allow me to explain… When you’re raised in the south, saying “yes sir” and “ma’am” is part of your everyday vocabulary, and it didn’t end for me when I became of age. Now in the workplace, the tendency to revert to these terms happens often and typically, being the only person of color, using these terms left me appearing as if I am not on equal footing as my colleagues. This well intended skill is one I mindfully try to stop. There are ways to show respect in a professional setting without the use of “sir” or “ma’am.” Lastly, being respectful of your elders also meant to never disagree. This left me with the idea that my opinions are insignificant and often I go along just to get along, which has caused workplace and leadership resentment and devaluing of my education, professional expertise, and opinion. The longer you allow this to happen the less you are viewed as an innovative or forward-thinking leader.
Don’t be too negative- There are positive and negative aspects to this skill. I think it’s always beneficial to see the glass half empty and frame statements in a positive manner. Where this gets sticky is in the workplace where we hesitate to provide feedback or participate in meetings when your ideas or thoughts go against the popular opinion. We should feel empowered to provide our feedback in a constructive manner even if it is the unpopular opinion. Lack of doing so creates the “going along just to get along” mentality and you will eventually explode with frustration or mentally clock out.
You’re blessed, don’t brag- Growing up, a house rule was to know we were blessed and should remain humble and grateful for all that we had. While this was great advice, at some point it manifested in my professional career as a lack of ability to live in my accomplishments. This became most evident on May 7th, 2018, the first day at work after becoming Dr. Randa, Ed.D. Whenever my accomplishment was discussed it felt as if it was more of an embarrassment than an accomplishment. Only in my recent past, have I started to acknowledge my earned title. In corporate America, VP, GVP, EVP and other titles are touted like holiday retail sales and those possessing titles would never imagine working one day without the respect and benefits belonging to said titles. Even today, I’m working still to reach a place where I no longer downplay my accomplishments and professional experience.
I know my parents had the best intentions and I owe a great deal of my success to them, but I am committed at this stage of my life and career to find my professional voice, be confident in what I bring to the table and speak my truth when the opportunity is available. I will be the first to admit this change is easier said than done, but acknowledgment is the first step to creating change.
PS. If any of the above resembles any part of your life or lessons from your parents, please be prepared for the crazy stares and long conversations when you tell them you are even considering the notion of leaving that “good job”. Keep pushing, they will be ok.
Shifting Thought: What are some learned behaviors that may be preventing you from achieving your career goals? Identify one and think of a new way to change the old habit.
